Ok...Let's gross the family out now.

So, last week we had our family orientation and pre-admission testing. I am up at 5am in order to catch the bus into the city to meet David at 9am, long story. I was trying to blog on my phone during the travel but the app doesn't allow you to save as you go along and everytime I got a text or call I really needed I lost everything. After many failed attempts I gave up, I guess it was too early for me to think outside the box and write it in my notes app....DUH!

So here I am standing on the corning by the GW bridge waiting for david. There is a female police officer in her official police car texting, or looking ar her phone as she drives through the intersection. Of course the cars in front of her are breaking and she is forced to slam on the breaks while coming to a screeching halt to avoid rear ending the car in front of her. Like most people when then realized they have just donw something stupid, she immediately looks around to see who saw this and here I am looking her square in the face. This crazy woman then decided to ice grill me like I did something. Soooooo, I ice grilled her right back with a little tiny smirk on my face. Well, it wasn't exactly an ice grill, more of a "I wish you would say something to me, I will report you faster than a junkie will sell his dog for a fix!"

Ok, so back to our Family day. I called David two days before to make sure he knew that we were not to eat anything after 8am today because they would be drawing blood from us at noon. I even gave him a copy of the paperwork that explains all of this. So, I get in the car and he asks are you hungry? Of course he forgot, soo I had toremind him that I told him we cannot eat. I purposely got up at 5am to eat something because I knew I would not make it until noon on an empty stomach. He was going to have to man up and handle it..lol.

My daughter is going to meet us there because she has been in NJ with my friend for the week and they are not too far from the hospital. We arrive safely to the hospital, find parking in the always packed parking lot. I swear it's like trying to find parking at Brimar on a friday night...impossible. however, we find a spot and mosey into the hospital and up the the Transplant clinic. We get all settled in and now I have to run back down to meet Shani because as usual she is not on time.

So she gets out of the cab with pants that are about two sizes to big for her and no belt, why must teenager do everything in their power to completely embarass you in public?? Why? Why? Why? So I have to take my belt and give it to her which mean now my pants will be falling down because I have lost so much weight for the surgery. I decide to bite my tounge and keep it happy because I am sure she is nervous about the surgery.

Here we are, me and my child and David and his daughter. Marilyn, the "Kidney someone". I can no longer remember who does what because there are so many people involved. Gives us a run down of the basic post surgery stuff. This was primarily for David. I learned that I will no longer be able to take ibuprofen, alleve, or anything with naproxen. It's strictly Tylenol for the rest of my life. Apparently Tylenol is the only one that is not process in the kidney. So, that's not a big deal. She gives David a binder that he will fill will all kinds of paperwork and information he will need. It's loaded with in case of numbers and contact people along with a description on the endless amount of drugs he will have to take to keep himself on the ball after the surgery. Wow, at least he will no longer need dialysis. lol.

Then we meet Dr. Geffner, who I later find out is the surgeon that will be removing my Kidney to pass off to Dr. Hung who will be putting it in David. Dr. Geffner has a great sense of humor and explains the procedure in gory detail to us so that Shani, who wants to study bio chemistry, is squirming in her chair. My little scientist...lol. He first tells us the old fashioned way of kidney removal which involves an incision from back to front and the removal of a few ribs. I never asked if they put them back...Can they put them back? As all of our faces scrunch up and I am about to pass out he laughs and says we do not do it that way anymore. Hahahahahahaha, a regular comedian. He goes on to explain the laproscopic process which is not as invasive and involves 4 small incisions one for the camera one to blow air into me and one for the instruments and one to remove the kidney which is about the size of a fist. He has done over 1,000 transplants and only two have required emergency action. I think those are pretty good odds. There is a Q&A portion where the girls ask some questions and when everyone is happy the surgeon hands us back to Marilyn who wraps us and then hands us back to Donna. There is some paperwork, and then we are sent to the same day surgery department to register and start the pre-admission testing.

The one thing I can say about this hospital is they have mastered the art of a short wait time. We were processed and headed to the lab in minutes. Two rooms across from each other, I am getting blood drawn and David is getting, blood, EKG and chest X-ray done. Here come my Vampire with her ten vials and fangs showing. Why must they pull out vials and paperwork and count them and re-count them in front of you? I am anxious enough, I do not need to sit there staring at the 10 vials waiting to be filled. So I get a little squirmy in the chair. I swear she did this for about 3 minutes, but it felt like 3 hours. Now that she is finally ready here comes that stupid blue rubber thingy they tie around your arm. This I find to be more uncomfortable that the needle. It grosses me out, I have no idea why but I HATE it. Now the needle, a little pinch and she's in.

After the third vial I am very uncomfortable. The way she is hold the needle is very uncomfortable. It must have been written all over my face because she asked if I was OK. I said, no this is uncomfortable. So she says don't worry it's almost over. She didn't try to change her position, or make me comfortable...OK now I HATE you more than the blue rubber thingy. We get through the 10 vials and I am done. She then comes back and says she missed two....how is that possible. I showed her the request for the blood type, I even told here there was a request for a blood type test but somehow she missed it when she spent the WHOLE morning counting and recounting the vials and reading and re-reading the paperwork. Then she goes for my arm again at which point I told her no you will have to use the other arm, this arm no longer wants to play with you. So, the left gave 10 and the right gave 2...lol.

Then the nurse comes in and here we go, sweet west indian woman who takes her time and I mean takes her sweet time. By now we are all starving, Shani is texting me from the waiting area proclaiming they are going to die if they do not eat soon. I am sitting here, answering the same questions I have answered, let's see 1, 2...4 times already. Do I not have a chart at this point or at least a folder with all this information already. I was in there for another 30 minutes answering questions. I am finally released and getting the heck outta there so I can go eat something. David, Shani and Kaela where eating from the vending machine when I found them. scavenging anything they could get. I, because I am on a strict diet, could not partake in that delightful activity...I had to wait!

We eat in the cafeteria, where of course kaela orders pasta that just runs out and we have to wait for the woman to make a whole new batch. Another sweet west indian woman who moves like molasses. I am walking in circles at this point and Shani finds this all too funny. I break down and get a cheese calzone, BAD BAD BAD but my bloodless body has taken over and all I can do to keep from eating it right there at the counter is to nibble on the corner while we wait for the pasta. FINALLY, kaela gets her food and we pay and find a table. At which point David spills his soda all over the table, chair and floor. Now housekeeping has been called and they do not look happy about it.

We find another table, sit down and I inhale my calzone and chicken noodle soup. Whew, I feel much better now. We all eat and then head out. All in all.... it was marvelous day.

Hell's Gatekeeper...AKA... The Mammogram Technician.

It was a s sunny day and I was feeling pretty good. I made it to the hospital on time and was able to eat before I went in because guess what? No blood work today. It was a good day, birds were chirping I was whizzing through my appointments. I was happy.

I was a little apprehensive when I headed to the Ambulatory building for the mammogram. There are stories, what a novice considers folk lore, personal accounts of sissies. Everyone tells you, oh it hurts. They never really go into detail, the most I have even gotten from someone is they flatten your boob in this machine and it hurts. Ok, so I am thinking piece of cake. I am a well endowed woman in the boob department so I figured how bad could it be. Well I am here to tell you it BAAAAD!

So I pull up the this amazing ambulatory hospital and straight to the free valet. I am greeting by a dashing young man with a big smile who has no idea of the fate that awaits me, or does he???? I get my ticket, grab my bag and coffee and I am off an hour early to my mammogram appointment. The brand new breast center is impressive. Cherry wood accents, flat screen tvs for your enjoyment and the most comfortable seating made for hospital design. I sign in and pass over my paperwork explaining I know I am early but I was told to take a chance incase someone cancelled. The elderly woman was nice and warm, directing me to the waiting area to be processed.

I am then called up to the desk to be entered into the system, name...address....phone number. The same spiel over and over. I then sit back down and before I can get comfortable a cherub like woman calls my name. Tiny little angel like lady just as nice as can be....Humph! She takes me to a set of very nice dressing rooms and tells me to take off my shirt an bra and put on the gown, opening to the front and wait there until the technician comes to get me.

A few minutes later there is a soft knock on the door and I open it eager to get this thing over with. I am greeted by a beautiful young technician, just as happy as she can be. I will now refer to her as the gate keeper. In hind sight, she was probably a demon. You know they always shape shift into beautiful people and why not? We step into a large room with the usual mammogram equipment, which by the way seems un- threatening and harmless. I have a new name for the machine that x-rays your breasts...Weapon of Mass Destruction...get it "mass", they are looking for a mass in your breast. Oh forget it as I laugh to myself because I think it is brilliant!

I step up to this contraption and the Gate Keeper begins to tell me what we are going to do here. As I follow her instructions and she helps me maneuver my boob...awkward....she is happy with the placement and presses down on the foot pedal that controls the clear plastic thingamabob, as I will now refer to as "Boob Crusher", onto my breast. It moves at a slow and unthreatening pace until it has my boob in an uncomfortable pancake like position. Here's when it gets ugly because just as you are thinking I can deal with this, it's about a nano second, she presses it down more. WHABAM! You just went from pancake to crepe.

Ok how can I describe this pain? Well, at this point I yelled OUCH!!!!!!!!!! This was all I could muster with the last bit of air I had left to breath. My right foot was no longer able to stay flat on the floor, no matter how many times she said it had to be and I could not stop talking. I was saying the strangest things like "Who in the hell would make a machine like this? Why? Why? Why does it need to hurt so much...it's an x-ray for crying out loud?! If there was something in there I think you just killed it! What the HELL? OUUCCCHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! then she comes over and lifts the boob crusher. I am sure at this point the look on my face would scare the average person. I know this because people tell me I look evil all the time. Let's not forget she is a DEMON and my looks mean nothing to her. I DO NOT WANT TO TALK TO THIS GATE KEEPER DEMON B*&%$! I no longer want to answer her stupid questions about the kidney donation. DONT TALK TO ME...WE ARE NOT FRIENDS!!!!! I HATE YOU!!!! DIE DEMON DIIIEEEEEE!!!!!

Ok now she tilts the machine while saying, because this is my first mammogram there is a chance I may be called back to do it again. I politely responded, that's not going to happen so I suggest you get it right the first time. Well this pissed the DEMON off and the tilt-o-boob x-ray hurt even more than the flatten boob crepe one did. At one point it felt as though my boob was being ripped off my body. let's clear this up for those that do not have boobs and will never have to endure this level of pain. On a scale from 1-10, 1 being a pluck from a rubber band and 10 being...oh let's say, having your eyeballs yanked out of your body...I would give the mammogram a 7.

I understand that most of us do not know what it feels like to have our eyeballs yanked out, but I am sure we can imagine it to be the worst pain imaginable. Moving along, I take several more x-rays. Then there is one where she lowers it and I am thinking oh thank god this one doesn't hurt as much and she waits and extra two seconds more and then BAM, she hits the pedal again. I looked at her thinking, Evil has a face and it's yours DEMON!

Finally, I can leave. I run for the dressing room change as fast as I can. I swing open the dressing room door ready to bolt and who is standing there...the Cherub. I recently saw a show about angels and demons and how some of these little cherub things were not as nice as we think they are. Well here is one of the evil ones standing in the way of my freedom! She ever so sweetly hands me a rose, I wanted to beat her with it. I took the rose mumbling under my breath about how they could take this rose and shove it up their.....and then she moves out of the doorway and gestures me to leave. So I ran for my life!

Ladies if you have to endure this primitive torture chamber to appease some masochistic doctor and prove you are cancer free.....smoke a doobie, take a pill, do what ever you can to numb yourself before you get there. Make sure you are good and high when you step through the gates of hell because you will need to be.

*The mammogram came back clean, no masses or questionable spots....thank God!

Testing...testing!

The testing required to be cleared for a kidney donation is very thorough. That is if you can get past the gateman....in this case it was the gatewoman...my coordinator. Very nice lady, personable, cheerful...too bad I had to speak to someone else to even get a call back once I filled in the first application.

Then my cousin had to reach out to a supervisor and threaten to write a letter to get the ball rolling. With that being said I finally was scheduled to come in for the first set of tests.

Sooooo shana and I stroll in ready to rock and roll. First step meet with coordinator to talk about the process and dieting and the cake she made for a coworker and weight loss and the Wii fit plus and the process and candy and finally we head to the next room for weight and blood pressure.

Please tell me something. I have been weighting myself on the Wii for months, however I find this to be true for most scales. Why are you always at least two lbs heavier on that stupid scale at the doctors office??? Why? I don't understand how I can be one weight everywhere else in the WORLD but at the doctor office...nope you're just heavier!

So of course my coordinator says no problem your weight is fine and your blood pressure.....fantastic! Now we need blood! First, go to admitting and get yourself all checked in then go to the lab, then get yourself a chest x-ray with this little pieces of paper oh yeah and then grab an EKG on the way back. Get in the elevator to the first floor make two rights go straight admissions on the right, then another right pass elevators make left go straight lab on right....3 minutes later! As we get on the elevator ...where the he'll am I going first?

Get to admissions explain situation and pass off paperwork. Wait for slow AZZ clerk to call me up, snarl a little and take my information. Sit there while she takes her sweet time......lada da ladi da lada da. Presto I am ready to move on to the blood suckers.

Go to window pass off paperwork, sign in and take a seat. When asked if I signed in a woman shouts out "I was here first". Ummmm, relax crazy woman. At this point shana promptly puts woman in her place... "we would not cut in front if you, we weren't raised that way!". Although it sounds nice in written form... The presentation was a zinger...true to her scorpion nature. 10 vials of blood later..I'm done and on to the next one.....TBC.

2010....WTF!

Sooooo, where was I? Oh yes, I am on my way home. Scared and filled with anxiety. Will I find work? Will I lose the weight? What is in store for me? I immediately felt better once I stepped foot on familiar ground. I was welcomed with open arms from friends and family and it just felt good to be back. My daughter was happy I think even the dog was smiling. We got settled into our new home with my friend Ila, who graciously opened up her house to us. It was awesome. I did not take into consideration the about of celebrating I would do straight into the holidays. I was trying to diet, but between Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years...I gained weight. NOOOOOOOO! Then I attempted to diet some more and started walking. But still no success. I had to go back to the drawing board. The point system was not working for me, I needed to change my way of eating all together.

Here we are now in April 2011 and my friends chip in and buy me a Wii Fit Plus. This was perfect, I am going to work out and get on track now. Let me back track for a moment and give credit where credit is due. My friend Shana was pushing the South Beach Diet to me all along. I was of course being stubborn and insisted I could do it my way...NOT! So imagine my surprise when I started the SBD....it freakin worked! I should have started this blog back then, there would have been some very funny entries as I tried to wean my body off of Carbs and Sugars. You have to understand this is coming from a person that truly believes chocolate is one of the main food groups. Today, I can walk past a piece of chocolate and not even acknowledge it. This is big...HUGE!

As of today I have lost 16lbs and I feel great and looking forward to feeling better as I lose more weight. So I leave you here. The next blog will fill you in on the new set of testing I went through for the St. Barnabas Medical Center's Renal Transplant Unit....fun...fun...fun!

It all began...

It all began in 2oo9, while I was in Atlanta at school. I got that phone call, you know the one, from my cousin. Telling me that someone very dear to me was having trouble with his Kidneys. In fact, it was serious as in they were both failing and he will have to go on dialysis. Of course my first question was, so who's giving him a Kidney? My next response was put me on the list. With no hesitation. I knew in an instant that it was the right thing to do and I wanted to do it.

I waited for the actual phone call from David with all the details. He explained the entire scenario and how he came to the place he is now. I was appalled because it could have been prevented, however due to the negligence of his doctor he now needs a kidney. Once again I volunteered my kidney with no hesitation. It was tricky however because I was in Altanta, he was in New York. How would we get this done? Long story short, I eventually flew up to NY to be tested to see if I was a match.

After being poked and prodded and questioned as though it was a matter of national security I was given the ok, there was a catch. I had to stop smoking and lose 20 lbs. Huh?

As most people know trying to do that at the same time is quite the challenge. Most people gain weight when they stop smoking and smoke more when they are trying to lose weight. I knew there was a very small chance I would sucessfully conquer both at the same time. So I decided the weight would come first. What I have failed to mention is that I was in school full time for Interior Design, in a very intense program and it was my last year. On top of which I was about to be evicted, and I had no job, no car and was getting by on a wing and a prayer with my daughter and my Yorkie.

How in the hell was I going to get all of this done? I was panicking. I tried to eat right but when all you can muster up is a snickers bar to get you through a day of classes, projects, tests, deadlines and stress...well then that's it. I really did try to lose the weight but for the life of me it was as if my body was holding on to every ounce of fat to keep me going. Here is where I learned that there are some forms of dieting that do not work...starvation being one of them. Oh, and another lesson...one cannot live on coffee alone!

I barely made it through the last year of school but I did and I graduated with honors and then began my journey back home to New York City. 

August 18th 2010....I flew home with my daughter and my Yorkie.